New music. Get it. Now.

I'm back in Wisco from the east coast. The trip was amazing and I'll have more on that later. For now, TV on the Radio came out with a new album, Dear Science, on Tuesday. Buy it!

Hello Annapolis

I guess this story starts out at the beginning of my vacation to the east coast. While waiting to board my flight in Chicago I heard those words so dreaded by air travelers everywhere: 'blah blah blah overbooked blah blah relinquish seat blah blah.' Being that I was on vacation and didn't really give a shit I moseyed my way over to the counter to selflessly offer my ticket to a needy orphan flier. Upon giving the flight attendant woman a sly wink and full-on Papa Bear charm, she kindly upgraded my flight to first class. Holla. Yes, this has relevance to my story.

Slightly after takeoff a different lovely flight attendant offered me a delicious beverage of my choice. I chose bourbon. My love of all things whiskey knows no bounds so I drank that up with gluttonous speed. I proceeded to drink five more glasses of whiskey on my 80 minute flight.

I landed at BWI around 8pm local time with all six glasses of whiskey in my happy belly and let Sinko know that we didn't need to stop at his place for anything, just continue on to the bars. After a few rounds of shots and a couple big boy beers (40 oz domestic taps) some of his lady friends showed up. I don't actually remember meeting any of these women but they informed me days later that they were there and I talked to all of them.

Upon leaving the bar I noticed a candy store and realized that I needed fudge; I didn't want it, I needed it. The fudge shop was obviously closed but Papa Bear is not easily deterred. I found an alley and spider scaled my way up to the third floor where I was able to get a toe-hold on the ledge. I then opened a window (which may or may not have been locked) and climbed inside. So now I'm wandering around in this crazy building where the second and third floors are (luckily for me) being renovated. I hear Sinko ask where I am so I throw the window open and tell him not to worry, I'm right here.
The girl he's with freaked out at this point so I climbed out the second floor window and jumped off the kickout onto the street level. Now, I do feel the need to confess that I was so drunk I didn't even realize that what I was doing is not okay in society. It's not that I knew I was doing something wrong and didn't care about the consequences, I just didn't even consider what I had been doing to be wrong. That changed roughly 15 seconds later when a guy came up to me and told me I might want to leave because someone just called the police. Damn you Maryland and your silly silly do-gooders.

Uh oh

Today was the second day in a row that I woke up with a headache. I very rarely get headaches so when one comes along I'm a huge baby about it. What worries me most is that both times the malady went away after my morning coffee. I think I'm officially dependent on caffeine, not good!

Laborers Rejoice

Working a 12 hour shift when all of your friends are out drinking and playing in the water is never fun. After much grumbling from myself and all of the plant operators I work with, we decided to add a glimmer of sunshine into our day by grilling. One reason I fit in at a lab directly associated with a manufacturing plant is because I deemed it necessary to buy this much food for 10 guys.

That doesn't include the 6 bags of chips, pounds of coleslaw, pasta salad and potato salad. Unfortunately no beer could be consumed.

Another bonus is that I made all the operators run their vessels blind (sans lab results) for over 2 hours because I abandoned the lab to prep, cook and eat. All in all I'd say we had a nice little Labor Day (considering we were all at work.)

JD let down by JD

Back when I was a kid (age 18-25) I had a foolproof remedy for colds/the flu. Jack Daniels. I found that if I drank enough Jack, usually more than half a bottle, I would wake up feeling better. Of course there was a mild hangover from time to time but overall I wouldn't be sick. Recently I have found this doesn't seem to work anymore. I went out last night and drank copious amounts of whiskey. I woke up this morning to much worse symptoms and a pretty stellar hangover. So to this I say what my parents have been saying to me for years. JD, you've let me down again.

90s email chain

90s email chain

WHAT IS YOUR FULL NAME?: Justen M Duran
NICKNAMES?: Papa Bear, JD, J Dizzle, MC Dizzle
SINGLE OR TAKEN?: very very single
BIRTHDAY?: December 21st
ZODIAC SIGN?: Sagittarius
AGE: 26
HAIR: dark brown buzz-cut. Short enough that it looks gray.
WHERE DO YOU LIVE: Madison, Willy Street
WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?: black boxer briefs
WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW?: Wasting time.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU DID?: A crossword puzzle
WHAT IS RIGHT NEXT TO YOU: My computer
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU ATE OUT WITH?: Lindsay Mae
IF U WERE A TOY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?: Pewter Voltron
WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?: Somewhere I haven't been yet. Madagascar maybe.
WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?: I wish I knew.
HOWS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?: Warm, a little too humid.
LAST PERSON YOU SPOKE TO ON THE PHONE?: No clue, my mom and dad I think.
LAST PERSON YOU TEXT: Kathy
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?: no one sent this to me.
WHAT DO YOU THINK A TOBLERONE IS?: Triangular chocolate made in the building that turned into the school I went to in Berne, CH.
U WEARING RIGHT NOW?: Plaid brown shorts. That's it.
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?: Nope, I've got fantastic vision!
WHO DO CONSIDER YOUR CLOSEST/BESTEST FRIEND?: Biker, Jahnke
WHAT WAS THE BEST ADVICE EVER GIVEN TO YOU?: 1; Always look at a girl's fingernails. If they're too nice she's probably high-maintenance and not worth your time - Biker. 2; When in doubt, fuck it - Tommy via John Lennon.
DO U OWN A VEHICLE?: Ghost Rider (94 Accord,) Hortense (94 Softail Custom,) Unnamed 1978 Harley Shovelhead.
HAVE YOU EVER WON A SPECIAL AWARD?: Football captain, Rookie of the year lacrosse, Chemistry scholarship.
WHAT ARE YOUR FUTURE PLANS?: Become a superhero
FAVOURITE FOOD?: Bacon, anything meat-laden.
FAVOURITE FILM: Bourne trilogy, Hackers, American History X. I love lots of movies.
LAST FILM YOU SAW AT CINEMA?: The Dark Knight
FAVE BOYS COLOGNE: Cuba or Candies
FAVE GIRLS PERFUME: Victoria's Secret - I think it's called Love Spell.
DO YOU LIKE TO DANCE?: Absolutely not.
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK ANYONE OUT?: Not if she's worth going out with.
IF YOU COULD CHANGE YOUR NAME TO ANTHING, WHAT WOULD IT BE?:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?: I have
WHAT IS THE MOST STUPID THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE?: Seriously!? There are far too many to count.
DO YOU LIKE SCARY OR HAPPY MOVIES?: Action or Comedy.
CHRISTMAS OR EASTER?: Thanksgiving
LOVE OR LUST?: Love
KISSES OR HUGS?: Hugs
IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE:
WHAT COLOUR ARE YOUR PYJAMAS: Ugly yellow, black lacrosse, maroon football shorts.
WHAT COLOUR’S YOUR TOOTHBRUSH?: Blue
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS QUIZ?: Meh
DO U WANT UR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?: I don't care.
WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
FAVE PART OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?: Eyes/butt. Aggressiveness.
WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: Shame
WHATS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP?: Ugh, again...
ROLLER COASTER, SCARY OR WICKED??: I grew up too close to Six Flags to care at all anymore.
HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU LET THE PHONE RING BEFORE YOU ANSWER IT?: I try to never pick up, I hate talking on the phone. Text me people, text.
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?: This is too important to come up with quickly.
IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB IN THE WORLD WHAT WOULD IT BE: Professional scuba diver. Stuntman. Stunt driver. Mercenary. Sniper. Wolverine.
IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?: half empty
WHATS YOUR FAVE NUMBER?: 80

ON GIRLS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT (for guys only)
THONG OR KNICKERS: Boy shorts
LONG OR SHORT HAIR: Long
TALL OR SHORT: Medium
BREASTS OR BUM?: Butt
BRAINS OR BEAUTY?: Brains
TAN OR FAIR?: Either
CHOCOLATE - WHITE OR MILK?: Milk (Dark would be the best)
ROOT BEER OR DOCTOR PEPPER?: Neither
MUD OR JELLY WRESTLING?: Jell-O
SKIING OR BOARDING?: Boarding
DAY OR NIGHT?: Nights if I can stay awake.
SUMMER OR WINTER?: Winter
CAKE OR PIE?: Cheesecake
SILVER OR GOLD?: Silver or white Gold
DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?: Blue Diamonds (lucky charms)
SUNRISE OR SUNSET?: Sunset
HAVE YOU EVER BROKEN A BONE?: Nose, fingers, toes, ribs. Nothing that needed a cast.
DO YOU WEAR RINGS?: I own a couple but I don't ever wear them.
DO YOU HATE ANYONE: People in general
ARE YOU LOUD OR QUIET: Both, more quiet lately.
DO U BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Most of the time

Little Brown Jug

After waiting over a week to receive 4 bottles of a reagent at work (delivery usually takes 3 days, max) I called the supplier to find out when I could expect delivery. I gave the nice woman the company phone number and street address. The conversations, both with her and my coworkers, that ensued were disturbing and amusing:

Customer Service Lady: Oh, are you in Georgia.

Me: Ummm, no. Wisconsin.

CSL: Oh (very long pause) let's see here. Can you give me your address again.

I told her again.

CSL: It looks like the distributor may have sent it to the wrong address. We'll send out a replacement order right away.

Me: Thank you very much.

At this point I hang up and tell Tim and Luke (my coworkers) about what happened.

Tim: They sent it to GEORGIA?!

Me: Sure did (laughing)

Luke: Perc in GAA - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perchloric_acid - , that's great. I hope some redneck gets a surprise delivery.

Tim: (in a Southern drawl) Hey maw, lookee here what da dee-livery truck just droppeded off.

Me: You know those idiots are going to think it's moonshine or something.

Luke: Oh, it even comes in a brown jug. They are going to think the scull and crossbones means it must be the good shit.

Me: (still laughing) Man, you know if there's a news report about a community in Georgia being in a cult and killing themselves by drinking acid, I might have to feel a little bad about this conversation.